I’m supposed to be driving home today – something that I’ve been dreading with every ounce of my being – and when I went to turn my car on this morning to get on the road, the engine started smoking. I immediately get overwhelmed and started scrambling. I called the dealership first and they said I didn’t have towing, then I called my parents and they said I did. They called back with a number to call, and I got a tow truck, so now I’m just sitting here in the hotel lobby waiting. (Thank God it happened in the parking lot as opposed to on the highway…)
In the past, my automatic reaction would have been to shut down – to go inside myself and wait for someone else to solve the problem. This time, my first thought was, “Damn. This is not good. I need to get a tow to the dealership.” and then I jumped into action. I made the necessary phone calls to get the immediate needs met.
I’m really proud of myself, because this is evidence of all the hard work that I’ve done over the last few months. My brain is functioning better than ever. I’m learning to face problems head on and be assertive rather than being avoidant.
Recovery doesn’t just have to do with food and the physical aspects. It’s about being able to make informed, realistic decisions. It’s about being present in relationships. It’s about finding your voice and being empowered to take care of yourself.
The timing for this, in the midst of the chaos of the transition of moving home, is not great AND it’s okay. Everything is uncertain, but I feel surprisingly calm now. It’s okay.
Life can happen and I can be okay. It’s simple, but it’s a great revelation.